The Right Place, The Wrong Time

Yesterday, Muscles & I had our all-important appointment with Baby Doc. (Well, we didn't actually see Baby Doc because he wasn't working, but we did see his office and his nurses.) Anyway, Muscles and I had to be there at 8:45 AM because I was determined to both see the doctor and make it to my internship on time that afternoon (which I did). We woke up a bit groggy, but mostly excited about the possibilities ahead of us. We definitely said a handful of prayers on the way out the door, on the interstate, and once we arrived.

Thank you, by the way, for the outpouring of support we have received so far in this journey to parenthood. All of the prayers are SO appreciated, and I hope you continue to keep us in your hearts.

Let me refresh your memory: Yesterday, I was scheduled to have an ultrasound. In this said ultrasound, they would determine if the medicine I was on had succeeded in making me ovulate. If I was close to ovulation, they would give me a shot to tell me eggies to "Come on down!" and then we would try the Turkey Bastin' procedure the next day.

So, there we were, praying for both strength and good news simultaneously. Some newbie nurse led me into an ultrasound room where she instructed me to undress from the waist down and wait until the person responsible for operating the machine came in. I did this, covered myself with the paper napkin provided, and tried to prepare myself for all possibilities. I found myself silently chanting: I believe in Your Love. I believe in Your Power. I believe in Your Plan. Muscles, who sat nervously nearby, was probably doing something similar but we didn't talk much. We just silently hoped for good news. Even with the knowledge that infertility is a long process, it is difficult not to hope that we are some of the lucky ones. After all, we have been at this for nearly 2 and a half years already.

The nurse comes in quite awhile later (Not typical for this facility). I'll spare you the fun details, but after looking at my ovaries, she states that I had one mature, good-sized follicle. It was 22.5 mm. (A little background: Anything over 18 and under 30 is good really.) However, it looks like it could be a cyst instead. Cripes. That crushed me.

She went on to say that the other possibility is that I had ovulated in fact, but that it was already in progress. That would mean that we missed our window of opportunity for this month. We have chosen to believe this option.

Nurse thanked us and deposited us in a waiting room to talk with yet another nurse about our options. I know this is not a devastating revelation now, but then... then it felt terrible. It's difficult not to blame yourself when your own body won't cooperate. Muscles comforted me, and I tried to hold it together. After all, there are plenty of couples who suffer much more difficult setbacks... and perhaps never have their own children. I can now say that this is but a bump in the road.

When we got into the consultation room with Nurse #3, she gave us a couple of options. First, she said, it was likely that I had already begun ovulating this month. (This is the same as Nurse #2's assessment.) Next, she stated that there is still a possibility that I did not ovulate, and instead just have a cyst. (Burn. Again.) She said we had two choices as to what we would like to do today. The first choice would be to take a blood sample from me immediately and test whether or not my hormone levels indicate ovulation has occurred. After that (and if) was confirmed, we would then get a sperm sample from Muscles. Those would be washed, and we would complete the procedure sometime that afternoon. The second choice was to go home, hop in the sack, try the old-fashioned way again this month, and start fresh with my next cycle.

It took some self-constraint to make this decision, but we pretty quickly decided to go with the second choice. Our main reason being that, if the follicle could not be confirmed as an eggie instead of a cyst, we would be wasting our money on a long shot. We have to be smart about this if we want to be successful. So, even though it means at least 3-4 more weeks of waiting, we decided to hold off.

The bright side of this appointment was that we learned that the medicine I took this cycle works for me. This medicine carries certain risks with it (as most fertility meds do), but it is a MUCH less expensive route to parenthood (hopefully). So, as a result, we get to continue using this medication and trying the Turkey Baster method. The dark side of our visit was, of course, the disappointment about having to wait even longer to get this show on the road.

Anyway, it took me about six hours of a pity party to think about this rationally, and I am now looking towards the future. I am also enjoying the old-fashioned method with hunky Muscles. :)