On the Fast Track to Becoming the Creepy Old Lady Who Takes an Extra Special Interest in Other Peoples' Kids

First things first. You should know that my husband and I have alot of lame, strange names for one another. For your easy reading, I will be referring to him as Muscles for the continuation of this bloggie blog. The backstory on his moniker will have to be saved for later. I have important topics to cover here. Anyway, he calls me Rooster, and that's what I will use should I ever need to refer to myself... by my husband... in my own blog. Silly stuff.



So, Muscles and I have been married for almost 3 years. For nearly 2 and 1/2 of that, we have been trying to conceive our very own little bundle of slobber and joy. This was not in our original life plan, and, of course, it has put an additional strain on our marriage at times. However, we forged ahead with this decision upon learning of my diagnosis of a fairly common reproductive disease. To put it lightly, there has been alot of disappointment each month when I see only one pink line on the Pee Stick of Hope (PSH, for short).

Recently (as in, the few months), we decided to pursue fertility options beyond the usual late-night bump and grind. Two days ago, we traveled an hour to our first appointment with the baby doctors. Let me pause here to say that it amazes me that technology has not made advances that make it possible for me to leave my clothes on and keep all unwanted fingers and foreign objects out of my hoo-hoo for medical purposes. Anyway, we met a very nice doctor who set us up for a couple of required (AKA expensive) tests and discussed our options with us. If you happen to be blessed with the fertility of hamsters, let me enlighten you. We can either A) have Muscles do his man-business in the waiting room and then insert the goods via turkey baster into the ol' hoo-hoo, or B) Muscles still has to handle his man-business in the waiting room, whilst they remove one of my eggs with a long needle, mix the two crazy kids together, and then put them back inside of me in hopes that they'll stick around, so to speak. Both are quite expensive, especially considering that most offspring find their way in there for somewhere around the cost of a cheap bottle of wine, say $9. Anyway, the turkey baster option is less expensive, maybe 1/4 or 1/3 of the cost of option B. However, the success rate of Option B is 3-5x better. Seeing as how we don't have any money trees at fruition, we are in quite the pickle.
So, I say to the Doc, "Which option do you think gives us the best chance to conceive ?"
And he says, "You tell me what you all want to do. I don't want to push anything."
And I say, "But, in your medical opinion, do you think Turkey Basting is a waste of our time?"
And he says, "Every couple is different. You all have to decide what you want to try."
And I say, "Did medical school not teach you how to form an O-P-I-N-I-O-N?!?"

Okay, that last part is a lie, but I wanted to say it. I hate decisions, especially big, life-changing, costly decisions. Of course, a child of our own is priceless to us, but that doesn't mean we want set his or her nursery up in the nice, large cardboard box we will be living in after spending our savings willy-nilly. But I concur, we decided with Doc to wait until after the preliminary testing is done before we made a decision. The results could have an impact.

Now, I have to muster up all the patience I can find in my anxious, only child soul. This is going to be a process, and such things do not operate on my schedule, I already find myself telling myself repeatedly. On the bright side, though, we can relax a smidge and dream a little about having a family. We have already thrown around names for twins (Kingston & Kate), chosen a room in our house for the nursery (upstairs, closest to our room), discussed parenting styles (and not quite agreed, of course), and become generally more accepting of this constant state of fear. Sincerely, I just hope it happens soon and without too much disappointment. I have been through quite a storm during the past couple of years, and I am ready for a BIG blessing. :)