Top 10 Independance Day Truths

In honor of the upcoming holiday...

10. It should always be a day-long event, not just an evening of fire in the sky. Around here, it starts several days early. In fact, we're having our first patriotic meal tonight.
9. Once, I witnessed a Twinkie eating contest. The event was inspired by a national hot dog eating contest. I think my father-in-law chose Twinkies because hot dogs are disgusting. Little did he know how disgusting the little, cream-filled cakes would become. The champion's strategy was dunking each Twinkie into a glass of water before swallowing it whole. Yuck.
8. A kiss beneath the fireworks makes a girl melt. Listen up Men, Boyfriends, and Muscle-y Husbands: You'll be gifted beyond your wildest dreams if you'll just lean over and plant a wet one on your lady during the show.
7. Every good 4th of July must involve water. Lake water is sewer water's masked cousin as far as I'm concerned, but anybody can enjoy a round of pool volleyball, eh?
6. It's a fine excuse to express your patriotism... as long as it's not in the form of showing off your fave Stars & Bars flag/t-shirt/bandanna. Feel free, however, to belt out America, The Beautiful or the Pledge of Allegiance at will. We will join you.
5. It's your special day if red, white, and blue are your colors. You can wear them head to toe, shoes included. You may also paint your face, buy a coordinating swimsuit, and/or bring matching cupcakes to our shindig. But only today.
4. There will be copious amounts of yummy grilled food. Who doesn't love the juiciness of a patriotic cheeseburger and the sweetness of America's Baked Beans? :)
3. Togetherness is the day's theme. No drama from yo' baby mama today. Please leave your issues in the driveway.
2. Babies and dogs got it right the first time. Fireworks are scary and not all that fun. Sure, they are a great opportunity for a little romance (See #8), but mostly they are just loud balls of fire sailing through the sky. Who needs it? No one. But I'll be right there with the other throngs of people, Ooohing and Aaahhing.
1. People will drink until they are falling down, belligerent, or snuggling up on this celebratory day. Beer is usually the drink of choice, so park your Igloo anywhere in our front yard and get to it. Of course we don't mind cleaning up your empty cans or grotesque vomit tomorrow.